The following is NOT a completely hungover Yvonne's entry of the day AFTER being stood up by
THE FUCKING MOST APPROPRIATELY FUCKING NAMED MOTHERFUCKER ON THE FUCKING PLANET Waldo, for the third time.
Waldo,
WHO IS THE FUCKING KING OF NO SHOWS, NAMED SINCE BIRTH TO HOLD THE TORCH OF INEPTITUDE, HANDED DOWN TO HIM THROUGH HIS FAMILY LINEAGE SINCE THE BEGINNING OF MANKIND NOT SHOWING UP FOR SHIT, who I could care less about, is
NEVER GETTING ANYWHERE WITH THIS so many ways out of chances.
Sure, he had great hair, and was a columnist for the Tribune. Ex-military.
NO, NOT "EX-MILITARY", EX-COAST GUARD, ON THE GREAT LAKES! THE FUCK WAS HE DEFENDING US FROM? CANADA!? WOULDN'T WANT ALL THAT FREE HEALTHCARE, CHEAP MEDS, AND MAPLE SYRUP GETTING IN HERE. But that's not what makes a man.
What makes a man is the fact that he stood me up. Not once. Not twice. But three times. Every ref in every sport would say he's out.
AND HE IS SO MANY WAYS OF FUCKING OUT.
I don't even care anymore. I'm done with men. I'm just.. I 'm so done.
I will adopt forty various animals, and bring them into my home. I will learn to knit and let my looks go as I overindulge on ice cream and pizza. I will be a role-model for how low self-esteem can go as I make headlines on people of walmart. com.
Updates to come.
-Yvonne "
I THREW OUT ALL THE WHERE'S WALDO BOOKS I could care less" Schmitt.
